Tasleem (Surrendering to Allah) when Dealing with Loss

One of the biggest hardships one may face is the loss of a loved one, and what could be even harder is that one losses a child. It could be a woman who experienced a miscarriage or someone who lost a child after birth at any age, the trial one faces is unlike any other. Hearing the news that their child has now gone on into the Next Life isn’t an easy pill to swallow, but that moment is when the trial begins. Your first reaction and what you say in those moments hold weight. For those who remain patient and thank Allah, acknowledging that we are all for Allah and to Him we will all return. Inna lillah, wa Inna Ilayhi Rajiun. For the Prophet (saw) said,

«‏إذا مات ولد العبد قال الله تعالى لملائكته‏:‏ قبضتم ولد عبدي‏؟‏ فَيقولون: نَعَمْ، فيقول: قَبَضْتُمْ ثَمَرَةَ فُؤادِهِ؟ فيقولون: نَعَمْ، فيقول: فماذا قال عبدي‏؟‏ فيقولون‏:‏ حمدك واسترجع، فيقول الله تعالى‏:‏ ابنوا لعبدي بيتًا في الجنة، وسموه بيت الحمد»‏‏‏

“When a slave's child dies, Allah the Most High asks His angels, 'Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?" They reply in the affirmative. He then asks, 'Have you taken the fruit of his heart?' They reply in the affirmative. Thereupon he asks, 'What has My slave said?' They say: 'He has praised You and said: Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall be returned). Allah says: 'Build a house for My slave in Jannah and name it as Bait-ul-Hamd (the House of Praise).”

And after one completes that first test, thanking and praising Allah, the Shaytan starts to do his devious work. He starts to work on making one weak, creeping in ideas that bring one far away from Allah (swt). The wiswas (the Shaytan’s whispers) start, attempting to creep doubt into the hearts. He sneaks the ideas in, making it as though these thoughts come from the person facing the hardship, and even bringing in ideas that something could have been done differently in order to change the outcome of the loss, making one blame oneself for the Ajal (lifespan) that Allah (swt) decreed.

These ideas that one could change the outcome of Ajal is a slippery slope one needs to get off from. In order to get off this slope, one must understand: What is Ajal? Is there anything we can do in order to change it?

Ajal is the decreed time that Allah (swt) has set for a soul to experience death. No matter what one does, nothing can change the time Allah (swt) has decreed for a soul to experience death. No one can make that time come sooner nor can it be postponed. Allah (swt) says,

[وَمَا كَانَ لِنَفْسٍ أَنْ تَمُوتَ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِ الله كِتَـباً مُّؤَجَّلاً]

“And no person can ever die except by Allah's leave and at an appointed term.” [TMQ 3:145].

Allah (swt) also said,

[وَلَن يُؤَخِّرَ ٱللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِذَا جَآءَ أَجَلُهَا]

“But Allah never delays a soul when its appointed time comes.” [TMQ 63:11].

The shaytan, when one is struck with a calamity of dealing with loss, will try to make one think that something could have been done. He puts his effort towards setting doubt into one’s heart and bring the individual far away from tasleem (surrender)to Allah (swt). Yet, when one also looks at the words of Allah (swt) when he says, “To Allah we belong and to him we shall return”, It shows us that we are for Allah (swt). We are not for our parents, spouses, and children. Neither are they for us. We are only for Allah. Allah does and decrees what He wishes, and we will return to him at the appointed time that He, and He alone, has set. That doesn’t mean one will not feel sad when faced with loss, as those are feelings Allah (swt) placed within us.  It was said that Anas ibn Malik narrated that when the Prophet’s baby son Ibrahim was ill,

أَخَذَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِبْرَاهِيمَ فَقَبَّلَهُ وَشَمَّهُ، ثُمَّ دَخَلْنَا عَلَيْهِ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ، وَإِبْرَاهِيمُ يَجُودُ بِنَفْسِهِ، فَجَعَلَتْ عَيْنَا رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم تَذْرِفَانِ‏.‏ فَقَالَ لَهُ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ عَوْفٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ وَأَنْتَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ؟ فَقَالَ ‏«‏يَا ابْنَ عَوْفٍ إِنَّهَا رَحْمَةٌ‏»‏‏.‏ ثُمَّ أَتْبَعَهَا بِأُخْرَى فَقَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏«إِنَّ الْعَيْنَ تَدْمَعُ، وَالْقَلْبَ يَحْزَنُ، وَلاَ نَقُولُ إِلاَّ مَا يَرْضَى رَبُّنَا، وَإِنَّا بِفِرَاقِكَ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ لَمَحْزُونُونَ»‏“

The Prophet (saw) took hold of Ibrahim, kissed him, and smelled him. Then, we (Anas and some Companions) entered as Ibrahim was breathing his last breaths. It made the eyes of the Prophet shed tears. ‘AbdurRaḥman ibn Awf said, “Even you, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet said, “O Ibn ‘Awf, this is mercy.” Then, the Prophet wept some more, saying, “Verily, the eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved, yet we will not say anything but what is pleasing to our Lord. We are saddened by your departure, O Ibrahim.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

This shows that the emotions that come with this trial are not only normal, but a form of mercy. With that, he (saw) said, “yet we will not say anything but what is pleasing to our Lord”, showing that what is said and how the reaction should be is in accordance with what pleases Allah (swt). At the end, it is pivotal to understand that every soul will also experience death. Everyone will meet their Ajal so it is crucial that we stay grounded and have tasleem, and to do and act according to what Allah (swt) would be pleased with, to have patience, even through pain, to understand that this dunya is only a corridor to the Next Life, and in shaa' Allah, our final destination will be Jannat al-Firdaws.

May Allah have mercy upon all of our loved ones who have met their Ajal, and may Allah give all of us patience and reunite us with them in the Hereafter, in Jannat al Firdaws. Ameen.

Written for the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by

Khadijah Hafidh